Living this Kaleidoscope.

Then the looking glass shifted. Recognizing the relationships and external aspects of my life as projections of my inner state. No longer things that were happening to me but happening from me and my participation in them being the conductor of these happenings. Taking full and complete responsibility for how the river of my life was about to flow.  Noticing some patterns in myself that no longer served my higher good, time to be done with these unhealthy drains that I was living out in so many of my relationships. Working on finding that healthy sweet spot to platform from and perpetuate, rippling into every moment of my life. Making room for what I deserve and desire. Honouring, believing and holding onto that what I desire I do deserve to have. Not because I am any more or less than anyone else but because we all deserve to have what we desire to be honoured. No one will take that stand for you until you make that stand within yourself over and over again.

Cycles.

For years i tried to fight the tide, the ebb and flow of these cycles. I’ve tried to fight the change, to control the rhythm and set the tone. It’s not a process that you flick a switch and everything changes as I’ve learned no process is. It’s a process that starts with a decision here and now over and over again. A decision and a pledge to your higher self that you will accept and be grateful for your place right here, right now within the cycles, wherever that may be. Acknowledging fearlessly and whole heartedly when you’re not doing so and accepting that too with compassion. That you will  listen to the flow of the stream and will trust yourself to know when it’s time to jump to act to push and when it’s time to not do anything. The ‘doing’ nothing in a cycle is JUST as important as the ‘doing’ something.

There is a ying and yang to every lesson, every situation and every atom. Today I’m grateful for not only the positives, but for their counterparts as well because without the down there is no up. I’m grateful for the calm as I am equally grateful for the storm. I Love ALL of you life, and will do my best to accept you unconditionally… You silly silly Bitch.

Right back where we started from.

 The distance between you and any external factor is merely a physical manifestation of the distance you have placed between “you” and your true self. Life can always improve, we could all have, do, be and use more of many external factors. Now here’s the thing, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more, with wanting a raise or a higher paying job, an always expanding wardrobe, fresh manicure, a larger more comfortable house for you and your loved ones, a luxurious car, any or all of the external blessings that we have to enjoy while we are here. In fact to continually be working towards improving and deliberately manifesting external factors can be a lot of fun and for better or worse has become a large part of our culture. The problem lies within attaching ourselves to these processes these things and these factors and literally placing our self worth, our value and our purpose of existence within them. I witness a lot of people making blanket biased statements about their lives and circumstances; “I won’t be happy UNTIL i get a raise” I’ll only be complete WHEN i add one more article of clothing into my wardrobe.”  The common misconception that once the external factors change the internal factors will too when in fact no matter how much the external factors change if you don’t line up internally first you’ll be too blind to recognize them anyways. Will a raise add to your life? ABSOLUTELY Is it important to be comfortable in your clothes? To open your closet every morning and maybe even ENJOY placing an outfit together? OF COURSE! There’s just a lot more to it than filling a spot in your closet or garage, and perhaps we could benefit from acknowledging false beliefs and nonexistent holes that we have picked up from the consumerism train that are oh so untrue. Let’s look within ourselves instead of cruising on the external river of consumerist bullshit. Let’s try this belief on for size every morning when we wake up and every night before we go to sleep. ‘No matter what is going on outside of me there is safety within. I’m completely whole, undeniably worthy and eternally beautiful just as i am right here, right now in this very moment.’

The Wizard inside

Today I experienced a miracle.

As a child and young adult i had numerous encounters with the other side. Mainly through dreams, visions, premonitions and just senses in general. I would have dreams about people who were going to pass over and the next day i would drive to the school and the flag would be at half mast. I would be sitting in the living room doing normal daily duties and i would see energy fields move past me, floaters in my field of vision and just continually feeling like i could see something walking past me or around me. At first i was scared and when i attempted to speak about it reactions of other people made me hide it as deeply as possible.

Over the past 6 months i have had more clairvoyance than i have had in my entire life. It seemed although all my fears that i experienced as a child surrounding the other side have vanished and i am fearlessly ready to face, explore and experience what it is all about. Up until today this was just a hunch, i FELT like i was becoming more clairvoyant, my dreams every night felt like a video game version of the day that was about to happen and then it would happen.  Sometimes seemingly small, like people i had never seen before walking beside the road, and then i would drive to work and see them there. it almost felt like an entire day of déjà vu.

The past three days i have  had these senses heightened, a close friend of mine had lost a close friend of his so i assumed that he was who i was sensing. Today i came to work, normal day as per usual. My co-worker comes in from the back room and jokingly says..

“I think my phone is possessed. It was sitting beside me and all of a sudden made a ping that I’ve never heard before, I looked and a conversation bubble was open “I” had typed “Mall Mall”, without even touching it.”

The first thought that came to my mind was of her mother who had passed over to the other side last year around this time. She went into the hospital on Friday a year ago today is Tuesday. being that we were in an office environment i was Uncertain about vocalizing my inner qualities to her, as i had hidden them numerous times before. I decided not to push it with the intention of not crossing the line. Before i even had an opportunity to have a thought of hesitancy fully cross my mind another “ping” came from her phone. I witnessed her not even touching her phone there were the letters “momo”. Ok enough is enough it’s time to come clean.

“is it your mom?”

-what? (i find out later she is thinking in her head you know she’s dead)

“Is it your mom?” I repeated a bit more sternly. She appeared a little dazed perhaps a touch in shock and a little overwhelmed.” Did you go to the mall a lot with your mom?”

“All the time, you know I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately.”

“Can i be honest with you?” I asked politely with the intention of respecting her comfort zone. “I have been too, I’ve felt like someone was trying to contact me and I’ve had some very strong urges to pass a few sentences along to you, i just didn’t know exactly how to approach it without freaking you out. She wants you to know that everything went exactly as planned and that there was nothing more that you could have done and nothing would make her happier than to see you let this go. She is MORE than fine. Everything that happened, happened exactly as she planned and now’s the time for you to truly put her to rest. You are confused with the idea that if you don’t feel guilty you didn’t quite care enough when the truth is you feeling guilty is only keeping her from fully moving on and in the long run will make you just as sick as she was over losing your father.”

I guess there comes a time in all cycles of life for us to let go and to find peace. There’s a time in each cycle for  birth, a time for life, and a time for death. Within each life there is an infinite abundance of opportunity for these cycles to be experienced and repeated while the Cycle of life itself is swirling on.  Relationships, Careers, Romances, Friendships. I think the best thing we can do is be clear, honest and present in the phase of the cycles we are in. Be here now. Not living in the past where we should’ve could’ve would’ve, lets live here now no matter where that may be. Let’s acknowledge each other  as ALL being in infinitely different stages of the cycle while still beautifully connected and one. Every day, every breath, and every second is a miracle if you can simply learn to open your eyes to what’s really going on around you.

Slight Rant

June 13th 2013

This rant is to and for all the people in the world who feel the need to vomit, yell and force their unhappiness on everyone and everything else instead of taking responsibility and charge of their lives, their actions and their happiness. Life….. Is….Hard. I am not debating that. Some people lose their siblings, spouse, parents and even children in unruly ways, and likely at the worst timing possible. Young children get raped of their innocence, sexually abused, some get tortured and some don’t make it through without disease, mutilation, and unspeakable forms of scars. Pets die, relationships end, everyone you care about and have ever known will cause you some form of distress or pain and in the end they will die too. Cars break down, limbs are lost, accidents happen. Some people are born overweight and some people become overweight. Some people are born with health problems and others attain them as they age. I could literally go on forever. My friends, surely we are all aware of the fact that at times life sucks. But I’ll tell you one thing… it goes on. And how it goes on is entirely in your court. I mean that in the most literal way possible. Ask and it is given. You know what doesn’t work? Blaming everyone and everything else for your circumstances. Do what you can with what you have and who knows you might just end up working your way to that place beyond your wildest dreams. Everyone has ups and downs, lows and highs. Duality is a crucial point and blessing of life it allows us a relativity to our happiness. You can choose to get bitter at life or you can choose to get better at life but i promise you this much it is in fact a CHOICE and life goes on.

Sincerely the front end girl at your dental office, your coffee shop server, your telemarketer, the person working in any job with ANY type of human interaction.Taking responsibility for our lives should be our first choice not our last resort.

Spacemaker

September 10, 2013

 

I think it is wonderful when people find drive and ambition and true passion for reaching goals and progressing within a field of study or work and i applaud them. when it involves a great deal of financial reward back. I have no desire to tell you or anyone how to live their life and i could easily learn a thing or two about being more financially driven. But perhaps it’s OK to to reevaluate your life from the over consuming society that we have so clearly become geared towards and decide that we are valid WITH less. i emphasis WITH because this is not a sentence made to describe a sense of lack. “Giving up” in this rat race, learning to trade goods straight across, occasionally when possible, removing money from the question and evaluating if there is a service to trade directly. You know what i have so CLEARLY learned is that the term giving up is bullshit. Giving up is merely a shift, it’s pausing for a second and saying you know, this is not for me and I’m willing to make a space inside my life for something that IS for me. 

So perhaps that’s where I’m at, maybe that’s my label, maybe that’s my stage. SPACE MAKER. I’ve got a degree in Space Makeology and have zero fucks to give to someone who looks down on me or anyone else for having a focus that doesn’t involve climbing the corporate ladder, getting a degree by 23 or following a path that was predetermined for me by what “they” think is right for me. Or for genuinely feeling and expressing the pain that we feel for the way our society is set up. I pray daily for a shift in the way this world is going, for the way this world is set up and for the way that we are treating ourselves and our world.

I know who i am and what my “worth” is. It may not be something that i have manifested into a plaque that i display in my oak china cabinet or a proclaimed title that i have earned. It is something that i was born with. It’s that fire inside that never stops and never starts, it just is. I feel connected to it when i’m in nature, when i’m aiding someone through a session with themselves,when i’m admiring another soul or connection i have made, it’s a baby’s laugh, the wind, the sun and all those unexplained marvels of the universe. It does not need a validation degree or stamp of approval from any higher up or anyone. It does not need a diploma or certificate to be validated or make me more or less of a person. I always have been and always will be good enough, and the same applies to you and every person on this planet. I see a lot of people ( myself included) continually searching for validation from outer sources and i understand it, but that does not mean it doesn’t raise the question in my mind that aren’t we good enough as we are? Maybe the next time you meet someone instead of asking the expected question what do you do? Ask them what they love, ask them what makes their heart beat, what gets them out of bed every day?

What is it and why is everyone always talking about it?

“Have you ever been in love?” “What is love?” “What is self love, what is “true” love, what the fuck is love, why is everyone always talking about it and why do i have such a desire to find it?”  Here I’ve been searching for something outside of me which seems like an eternity and i don’t even have the slightest clue what it is nor have i really taken the time to investigate what it means to me. I’ve sure gotten fantastic at bitching endlessly about not having it though. I can’t help but laugh at this, how backwards is that?? Do you go to the car dealership without knowing what a car is wander around the dealership and stomp your feet when you don’t get what you want? I sure as hell hope not. You ask questions before you get there, you talk to people who have cars and know how they operate. When you find yourself at a dealership ready to make a purchase you ask even more questions! How good is the millage? What kind of contract do i need to sign, what do i need to exchange in return? What color do i want? How often will i drive it? So why isn’t this something we do with LOVE? Where’s the education on empowering lives with love? Where’s the course on LOVE?

                I have always been a firm believer in putting out what you want to get back, that you are entirely in control of every single aspect of your life and it all relates DIRECTLY to the vibration you are giving off. Where your attention goes your energy flows, so concentrating on the aspects of your life that you love, that you are grateful for really tap you into a magical experience, magnetizing EVERY single thing, person or circumstance you could possibly need to make anything appear, happen or shift in your life. And vice versa, if you focus on all the aspects of your life that aren’t going well, that aren’t “there yet” or don’t give you everything you think you want and need then the universe will continue to provide those situations, people and aspects to you as well.

                I’ve gone through many shifts and stages in my life as everyone does. Recently I’ve come to a point where I’ve shifted my attitude to gratitude and really let the magic happen. I’ve begun acknowledging and saying YES to all my fears instead of only my happy places. I’ve begun saying yes to my dark places and my dualities… since pointing at them and saying NO i don’t want you only made that aspect of fear expand, it really wasn’t working for me. YES, you could leave me. YES, abandonment exists. YES, i will be hurt. YES it’s ok to be vulnerable. YES, it’s ok to give. YES, it’s ok to receive. YES, i deserve to be happy. YES, i deserve to be heard. YES, i deserve to be honoured, YES, i deserve to be respected. YES, i deserve to be powerful, to be sexual, to feel sad, to feel happy, to feel scared, to feel anxious, to not have all the answers. It’s ALL ok, because it’s all so temporary, it all goes away in the end and i am and will always be a direct divine extension of source.

                So….i took 10 minutes out of my Sunday and asked myself the questions “what is love and what do i mean when i say  the words I LOVE you?”

I mean that i recognize the divinity and light in another person. I mean that i accept myself and you without ANY restrictions, as you are NOW. in this VERY moment. Regardless of your state or mood .It’s a way of life, it’s not something you “fall” in or out of it always is and always will be. You just have to shift your lenses appropriately to continually be the source of it. It’s recognizing and honouring the divinity in myself first and foremost. It’s gratitude, it’s empowering, it’s not blind, painful or draining in ANY way. There is an endless supply. “giving it away” or “using it all up” is impossible. It’s internal first not external and if you are searching for it externally you are defeating the purpose and chasing it away. It’s beneficial and encouraged to love everyone. It doesn’t mean you should date or sleep with everyone but it does serve a purpose in every relationship regardless of the set of established boundaries. Family, work, acquaintance, romantic. Where you don’t find it… put it. Be the source of it, always.